Wee, furrie, coorin, timourous beastie,

Oan first sighting yi wid think,

Aye that’ll be right

Ye devastate the ither wildlife,

So gang back hame,

Fae whence ye came,

Ya little MINK.

 By Leith Burns [ nae relation ]

A man’s a man for a' that (S---)

 [ Or a true story that happened on a river patrol last year, read in the style of Tam O' Shanter, with apologies to Rabbie ].

"An doon the Water o’ Leith I speed,

Wi ma moontain bike, new helmet oan ma' heid,

The water lapit aye sae neat,

A fine day, sae complete.

Bit noo a twig caught in ma chain,

I hae tae stop, it is a pain,

The bloomin chain comes aff,

Now that is awfae, awfae rough.

I turn the bike upside doon,

Tae try an fix the metter soon,

But much worse is still tae come,

I smell ma finger it has a hum.

Aye oan my handlebar is doggie pooh,

Now that aint whit I want the noo,

Its on my glove, then on my hand,

This is not just what I planned.

So here’s a warning tae ye all,

When if you cycle or should fall.

Just watch were you put your mits,

As you too could end up in the [doggie ] s--ts!"

Anonymouse